“The Stoning of Soraya M” is a 2008 movie based on a true story. I watched it many years ago and yet it still haunts me. An Iranian woman meets a journalist in a remote Iranian village and narrates to him how her innocent niece Soraya was brutally killed in 1986. The story goes like this, Soraya was in an arranged marriage to a man who was abusive. The husband wanted to divorce Soraya so that he could marry a 14 year old girl. He begins to spread lies about Soraya being unfaithful so that she would be stoned to death. (We might be aware, that the Islam Sharia law punishments include public stoning to death). The husband seeks the help of a village elder (a man of course) and together they spread the infidelity rumour.
Soraya was is charged with adultery, publicly humiliated by her husband and then dragged to the outskirts of the village for stoning. Her own father and her sons are part of the crowd that stone her to death. The injustice and brutality are so unbelievable you cannot help but be pained. I literary cried as I watched Soraya being stoned. The story of Soraya is the story of most women, that of Gender Based Violence (GBV). Our cultural, religious and societal beliefs are what have shaped our beliefs, attitudes and behaviour. To think in this day and age there still are cultures that torture women and believe it justifiable, is pretty inconceivable to me.
November 25 to December 10 is an internationally recognized period for 16 days of activism. This is a campaign to challenge violence against women and girls. November 25 is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence against Women and 10 December is the Human Rights Day. The story of Soraya M always comes mind during this period. Let me tell you that if you are fortunate enough to watch the movie, not only will it make you cry buckets loads and haunt you, it will make you see gender issues differently or you start using, “gender lens”.
Gender Socialization
According the World Health Organization (WHO), “ Gender refers to the roles, behaviours ,activities, attributes and opportunities that any society considers appropriate for girls and boys, and women and men.” Simply put, gender is a social construct that has nothing to do with the biological sex of male and female. Gender roles are learnt from birth through socialisation. For example, women are typically expected to be behave in feminine ways be it dressing, being polite, accommodating and nurturing. Men are expected to be masculine by being strong, aggressive and bold. There are also domestic behaviours expected of women and men just as there are certain occupations. Behaving differently may not be socially acceptable or may be considered deviant. Gender roles and relations influence the balance of power between men and women.
Gender Based Violence(GBV)
This is violence directed at an individual based on their biological sex or gender identity. Forms of GBV or types of abuse may be; physical, verbal , sexual , economic or financial or deprivation, psychological / emotional , spiritual and professional. Early and forced marriages, female genital mutilation and honour killings are also forms of GBV.
Research has shown that women and girls are frequent victims of violence with men being the perpetrators. That is not denying the fact that some men are also victims of violence. GBV mostly boosts the perceptions of male dominance. Men tend to get away with being abusive because they have been socialized into believing they have the freedom to treat women as they want. They expect women to submit and to tolerate violence. A lot of women have lost their lives, gotten maimed and suffered in the hands of men as a result.
And yet, society may argue that the victims of violence asked for it. When a woman reports violence it may not be surprising that people can ask what she did to deserve it. The saddest part is that other women may further traumatise the victim by blaming her for the violence. It so happened that a huge hulk of a man stepped on the foot of a smaller man. The small man had to apologise for the fact his foot found its way under the giant’s. So you see, there are women who actually believe that they deserve to be abused
Social media is an amazing animal. I once viewed a video that got posted on our Whatsapp group. A frail looking woman was forced to lie on her stomach while three Rambo- esque men repeatedly beat her with thick sticks. It could have taken one Rambo to do a ”good job” on her, but it took three! In any event, she did not deserve the torture. The story behind the beating ( that’s if there was any truth to it knowing how lies can be cooked up on social media in order to create juicy stories) was that she had been caught cheating on her husband and her own brothers had decided to mete out the punishment. What disappointed me were the comments coming from some members of the Whatsapp group. They gleefully said she deserved the beating. Well well well, if the general attitude is to condone such violence, then we still have a long journey.
Evidence also shows that domestic violence cases spiked the world over during Coronavirus lockdowns. Reports said that violence in homes had become more severe and more dangerous. One report called it “intimate terrorism”.
The future lies in our children
No one wants to experience any form of pain be it emotional, psychological and physical. We would want to avoid it as much as possible. Most people would also flinch at the idea of inflicting harm on others mainly because we share some of the pain when we do that. However there are those of us who seem to derive pleasure from inflicting pain and humiliating others. It becomes even more intoxicating if it’s a way of exercising one’s power. People who derive such pleasure are called sadists. Sadism is medically categorized as a kind of personality disorder but I believe this should not remove the responsibility of such behaviour.
There are also instances when we dehumanise other people by labelling them as “dogs” , “cockroaches” , “witch” etc, thus making it easier for us to punish or torture them. I think these are the type of people my pastor once referred to in his sermon. He preached about people whose cruelty goes as far as eliminating anything that breathes. Such people cannot wait to crush an insect or lizard that is innocently moving in its own environment. How are we socialising our children?
“Humans are the glory and the scum of the universe”
Blaise Pascal, 1658
The empowerment of the girl child
As a woman I am grateful to those torch bearers who bravely fought for Women’s Rights with some putting their lives on the line. I am also grateful to those women who have followed their footsteps and the brave men who have supported the need for those rights. Who and what would I be if it were not for all these fighters? As long as the girl child is still being forced into an early marriage and the woman is still being perceived as inferior to the man, then the fight for the right to be treated with respect and dignity is not yet over. When we empower the girl child, we are also passing on the torch so that she can run into the future and let her voice be heard without fear.
“Each time a woman stands up for herself, without knowing it possibly, without claiming it. She stands up for all women”
Maya Angelou
Before we are women and before we are cultural, religious and black or white, we are human. Every human being deserves to be treated with the respect and dignity. We also feel the pain when hurt and it is the same red blood that spills when we are stoned! Yes, we do feel.
Woman, you are also fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14). Therefore let your voice be heard and walk this earth as if that piece you step on belongs to you.
The mis-education of the boy child
The fate of the boy child also lies in our hands. He has been socialized to believe that power lies in his physical strength. Have you seen how these young men proudly flex their muscles and flaunt their six-packs? Those exhibitions are a study in power plays. All is well if this is a way of boosting their confidence as opposed to building muscle in order to distribute punches. Along with physical strength the boy child has been taught that aggression and dominance are macho or manly. The woman then becomes the target for such toxic masculinity.
The boy child also needs to be empowered, starting by teaching him to respect another human being who just happens to be of a different sex. He needs to be taught that women are not punching bags and neither are they assets to be used/abused and discarded in any way that pleases the owner. He also needs be aware that he has the power of choice, to choose non-violence over violence. And also to be aware that aggression is not his factory setting. In life we live out our choices and it takes a very strong or brave person to choose not to be violent even when the situation calls for it. Strength lies not in brawn but in the brain or mind.
The take-away
The gender issue is overarching, it touches almost every sphere of our lives. For today I choose to say that as long as we see the human in each other and as long as we teach our children to be compassionate regardless of sex, race or creed of the next person, then we will have launched a good and sustainable empowerment drive.
Thank you for stopping by. Take care.